You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
