And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
