i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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