Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
