Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
