I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
