roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
