I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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