P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
