I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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