I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it glows. i had to have it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
