Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
