Sry I called you an 8
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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