yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
