o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
