I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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