my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
