If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
