so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
