Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
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i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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