do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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