How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are we still banned from the library?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
