Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
did you just send me my own nude
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
