mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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