Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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