it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
