are you still at the devil's house?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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