More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
