YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
