so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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