He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
