you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
