Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
