plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The air taste purple.
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