You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
