as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
