girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize