a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
