No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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