I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
