Swine flu. Run for my life!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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