So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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