I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
