I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
