If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
