i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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