Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
...so i touched it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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