EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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