It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
