I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
