dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
