absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
