Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
