I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
