I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize