i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
