Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
