just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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