I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
