I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
