Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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