My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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