drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
