Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
