dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
