So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
