when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
