He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
