I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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