i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
