I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
