my mouth tastes like poor choices
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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