Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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