All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
