I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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