So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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