Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
