How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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