he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
