She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
